Where’s the snow?

The Blizzard of 2017

Where’s the snow? The weather forecast called for a nasty Nor’easter dumping 8 inches of snow by this afternoon. I’m stocked on milk, toilet paper and bread, which I’m now feeding to the birds. Look, no snow (secretly, thank God, I hate snow!)!


Blizzard of ’93

In lieu of the fierce snowstorm we were supposed to get today, I thought I would recount a wicked snowstorm we did get some time ago and the antics we did to cope with it.

Some of you may remember the Blizzard of 1993. It started late on a Friday night and we were well prepared. Warned in advance by meteorologists who got it right, my new husband and I were invited to spend the snowy weekend holed-up at my sister in law’s mobile home with her friends from down the street and a younger cousin. It would be a weekend snow party.

My hubby and I stopped after work and bought snacks and liquid refreshments for the weekend as did the others. We all settled in for movies, games, merriment and to let it snow! And snow it did. I hadn’t seen snow come down like that since, hmmm, without giving my age away, sometime earlier when school was cancelled for a week. All the kids from the neighborhood had a grand ole time sled riding on the streets for days.

Math Whiz

But this one would only last the weekend and as adults we were going to make the best of it in a more adult manner, though we were just barely adults. As the snow piled up, we dug in our heels and enjoyed the warmth of my sister in law’s spacious mobile home and played games, drank margaritas and enjoyed our silliness. My hubby’s younger cousin was there. She was still in high school. She did a few shots of tequila and decided not to do her Trigonometry homework. I sensed it wasn’t her first time drinking. She did shots like a pro, I think she was more experienced than I.  (I did not encourage this delinquency of a minor. I had something to say about it then a barrage of beer cans flew at me.) Anyway her homework was on the counter and after having a margarita and my inhibitions lowered, I found the homework quite easy to do. I was actually solving those problems in my head. I guess my SAT scores were correct, I scored exceptionally high in math and science although I did not do well with trigonometry in high school. So I finished her homework for her because I found it so much fun. Oh, what alcohol can do to a person! It turns a nerd into a super nerd! No wonder I never got invited to parties, I might do your homework instead of making out with you!


Margarita and math, easy-peasy

Snowed In and Lazy

We woke up Saturday morning to three feet of snow. We were completely snowed in. Our cars were buried, we weren’t going anywhere. You couldn’t tell the difference between the yards and the street. Our plans were, after a hearty breakfast, to dig out the cars and then the guys would watch some sports on TV. The guys decided to skip the digging out of the cars. We couldn’t get them off their butts for anything. The ladies were cleaning up the breakfast dishes after slaving over the stove all morning and we were beginning to get annoyed. We couldn’t think of any way to get the men to move.


Suddenly there was a faint knock on the door. An old man was there asking if someone could shovel his driveway. By then it was late afternoon and the men had already cracked their beers and planted themselves. They said no way. But the old man pitifully asked again. My brother in law, not always tactful, said he would get rid of him. We told him to be kind and gentle. He had a brief quiet conversation with the old man, we were straining to hear what they were talking about.

The old man thanked him and trudged toward his home. My brother in law had a quick caucus with my hubby and the other man. Like Dasher, Dancer and Prancer, they leapt off the couch, put on their snow clothes, all grabbed shovels and dashed away, dashed away, dashed away all the way to the far end of the street!


“What changed your minds?” we exclaimed as they ran out of sight up the street and to the old man’s house? They called back, “His roommate has to go to work.” So what? Where could an old person work that anyone could actually get to in all this snow and why would anyone want to go out in it?

They proceeded to shovel the old man’s driveway in no time flat. We looked out the window and noticed they picked up a few more men on the way back and started shoveling the street. Calls for snow blowers were heard by all. Baffling.

We couldn’t take the suspense anymore, the ladies bundled up and went out and demanded to know what this sudden burst of humanity was all about. It turns out the old man’s ROOMMATE is a STRIPPER and she has a stripping gig tonight that she absolutely must get to. Not only that, rumors of free lap dances were rumbling through the man crowd if the men could get her out. They shoveled, by hand all the way from their mobile home to the main road, it had to be more than a mile.

Well we knew when we were beat, we dug out our own cars ourselves as the men returned exhausted but happy that they contributed to society. HA! We came back inside frozen to the bone, covered with snow, but got our cars dug out.  The guys thanked us and said they thought of taking a ride. We knew they were thinking of following the old man and the stripper to the strip club. Not a good idea with three wives holding shovels.  They said they’d settle for us cooking them a hot dinner. Exhausted, freezing and still holding shovels we explained why that wasn’t happening. We did have a compromise.


Oh no your’re not!

We told them they’d have to give us lap dances for us to cook!


Come here baby, make mama happy!

We all ate potato chips for dinner!

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